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Sunday, June 26, 2011

Sweat Your Thorns Off 5K Race Report

Early Saturday morning, I headed straight to the airport.  After my husband and son spent a week in California, I decided it was my turn.  Being as the Midwest is typically miserably hot and humid in late June, I figured I'd squeeze in my SYTO race while I was on the West Coast.

My intel had told me that Chris K had spent Friday night hitting up the $3 margaritas, so Saturday was the perfect opportunity to chick him while he was jogging off his hangover. (Cue evil laugh)


Know when to say when
Now maybe you think this is a little unfair, but let me remind you...this guy BQ'd, while I BF'd (Barely Finished).  A little sub-optimal nutrition isn't going to kill him on race day.

I did a little sightseeing while I waited around for my competition.

This guy is called the Kardiff Kook
A passing patrolman took my picture and then gently suggested I move on, so I returned to skulking outside of Chris K's abode until he finally dragged himself to the gym right around 10.  He took off with no fanfare.  I started behind him and then began to pull away around the half mile mark.      

My stride was hampered by the sudden disappearance of my right foot but I took it...well, in stride...and pushed on.


San Diego may indeed be beautiful, but at 62 degrees, it was about 30 degrees cooler than Illinois at this time of year.  There would be no sweating off of any thorns in this cool weather.  Despite the (thankfully temporary) disappearance of my foot, by mile ~1.5 I had pulled far enough ahead that I could make a quick wardrobe adjustment and comply with the spirit of the contest.

At this point, I'm running about a 7:15 pace and thinking that maybe ice cream is the way to go for fuel from now on.  The winter gear induces sufficient sweat, so I peel off the extra layers as I run.  Unfortunately, the shirt gets stuck on my head and I run a little extra distance before I can get free.  Even so, I manage to get back to the shady spot by the finish line restrooms in time to see Chris K meander in after me.  His finish line hoopla comes to a quick stop as I stand up and he realizes that he has, in fact, come in second in the San Diego division of SYTO'11.


I have won the Lie Sweat Your Thorns Off 5K. His face falls. It would almost be funny except he looks so sad.    "It's OK!!" I rush to reassure the Manly one as tears well up in his eyes, "You won the male division!" Even as the words leave my mouth, I know it's not the same.  His Garmin begins beeping as his heart rate spikes.

Beep...beep...beep.

And then I woke up, set up a yard sale in our driveway, sold a bunch of junk we don't need anymore, cleaned up the yard sale, had dinner, went to a baby shower, came home, went to bed, and never once managed to run a measly 3.1 miles.

19 comments:

  1. BRAVO! You are so fun Kate! This was great and certainly deserves and award for the most creative virtual/made up race report!! :) Ha!

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  2. Hilarious and so clever!
    Best I did not run the race report!!!!!

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  3. Haha, really great! I can just see his face fall...

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  4. This is AWESOME!! Go you for chicking CK, even with one foot removed!! You ROCK!

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  5. bwahahahaha!! LOVE this! AND your tag "can you virtually run a virtual race" - perfect!

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  6. Love this. Hysterical. I also am jealous of your computer skills! Good job on the chicking!

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  7. Congrats on your virtual PR! Funny stuff!

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  8. I only cried a little Super Kate.

    Best race report EVER!

    Wait, was just actually your shortest post ever?

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  9. Seems like most women can beat Chris, even with one hand tied behind their back, or even missing a foot.

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  10. OMG this was hilarious Kate!!! :) Truly the best I-didn't-do-it race report! So creative :)

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  11. Bwahahahahahha. HILARIOUS. Wait, how did you get Chris to put on that 10 gallon hat?

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  12. You had me going, even with the missing foot. Having actually run in San Diego, I can tell you, it is beautiful.

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  13. Feel better! Sorry you aren't feeling so great.

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  14. Fantastic!!! This was the perfect blog read coming off of a blog vacation. LOVED it!! You are too clever :D

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  15. This is awesome. The cutting and pasting of Chris K is hilarious.

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  16. A great victory and the pictures are an obvious proof.

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