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Thursday, November 10, 2011

I miss me

The runner me, I mean.  The disciplined me. The one who got up ridiculously early a couple mornings a week to get in her training runs.  The me who ran 8 miles before work one morning.  I liked that girl. 

This me is full of excuses.  It's cold.  It's dark.  I'm tired.  And a truly pitiful excuse from Wednesday morning, when I was wide awake in bed at 5 a.m. after a pretty dramatic electrical fire in our backyard due to a transformer (I guess) going out in a big way.  I couldn't fall back asleep and thought about getting up and rubbernecking at the linemen from the power company going for a run, but instead I decided I just colored my hair last night.  I can't wash it yet, so I don't want to get all sweaty.

Sigh.

I hate getting up early, but once I'm up and out, it's great (as great as stumbling around in the dark can be, anyway).  It's just getting over the "get out of bed" hump that's stopping me.  I know it's all about building a habit. It'll only take a couple morning runs before I'm back on track.  It's just a matter of prying myself out of bed to start.

I have been running a little, though.  There was last Saturday's trail race, and then I ran a couple of miles Wednesday night during N's volleyball practice.  I had dressed to run but was feeling very ambivalent about it.  I don't mind running alone in the dark at home in my neighborhood, mostly because I take my big dog along, but it makes me a little nervous in St. Louis with no furry protector.  After sitting for about an hour, though, I couldn't stay inside any longer.  My legs have been driving me crazy, I think they're restless because they just aren't getting that much exercise.

So, out I went, despite the fact that I hate the road, which is just busy enough that you have time between cars to get used to the dark before being blinded by the headlights of the next oncoming car.  I hate the sidewalk I run on bc it's the most technical paved surface I've ever run on.  Between the cracks in the asphalt and the wavy surface, it's a little nerve-wracking at night.  Even so, it was a great run.

I don't know what it was, but I really enjoyed running Wednesday night, and that's rare for me if I'm not with friends or on a trail.  On the way back, I was running as fast as I felt comfortable on that crazy sidewalk and just smiling as big as I could.  It felt hard and good and fun.

I'm off tomorrow, and I'm headed to Land Between the Lakes in Kentucky for a women's mountain bike weekend.  I. Can't. Wait.  I'm so excited to get some time in on my mountain bike, to be somewhere new, and to ride with some ladies who are great on a bike.  It's a great, supportive, fun atmosphere, and any time I ride with better riders I find out I can do things I'd never try on my own. 

If only I was packed.

13 comments:

  1. Oh, I can so relate to this...after not running for a bit and then having a run and feeling yourself come back to yourself. The rush of endorphins and sweat...ahhh! Wonderful. Hope you have a great weekend kate! get to packing!

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  2. I am continually counting my blessings that I live in a neighborhood that is super conducive to running at night. I have a super hard time with mornings :P Have fun biking!

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  3. I'm so jealous you're going away for the weekend (and to a gorgeous area, to boot!! Used to go through that area when I lived in Alabama and ventured back to Iowa to see my dad); I'd love a girls' weekend. Maybe when you sign up for Leadville, we can bring you out here for a pre-race prep work weekend....I'll be practicing how to crew while you run. YAY! :)

    I get the morning thing...I can't even believe I used to get up at 4:30 and get my runs in...what happened to that girl I have no idea. But you got in your run and got that taste of desire again...I bet you'll be super-dooper motivated when you return from the biking adventure!

    Have a blast!!

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  4. I feel your pain. I'm failing at becoming a morning person myself.

    Your get away sounds fantastic! Have a great time.

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  5. I have to say that running in the dark would zap my motivation as well! I hope you enjoy the fabulous sounding weekend you have ahead of you!

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  6. I miss that part of me too. The me that didn't have an excuse, worked out no matter what -who by the way had three kids under 7! I wish she would come back and kick my ass.

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  7. Hope you have a ton of fun. A weekend away with women friends and a sport you love too! How awesome. I think you should sign up to run the Providence R+R Half for a road trip - Aug. 19. It's 20 dollars cheaper until 11 tonight Pacific Time. I haven't signed up yet but I think I'm going to. Nice place for a race. Something to train for and inspire you and you can still do lots of biking. It's only a half (unless you want the whole thing.)

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  8. I've totally been there. I used to be up early all the time for running, but in the past year I've really struggled to get up and out. I hate it - but I've been hating waking up before sunrise even more :)

    Have a great time this weekend - sounds like a blast!

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  9. Enjoy your bike week-end.
    I am like you, I don't like to run in the darkness, on the sidewalks and in the traffic of the city. So i learned to run in early morning before going to work: the first times it was hard but now it is normal for me.
    Glad you enjoyed your running.

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  10. The runner me has run off as well. For the past week I have been skipping runs left and right. They weren't exactly scheduled but they definitely haven't been happening. I blame my new job {on my feet 9+ hrs a day, alarm goes off at 3:30am} but I need {want!} to get my routine back!

    I used to be able to run in the dark no problem, but with our new neighborhood and town I'm still a little freaked out by it... maybe some day I'll grow a pair, or fall in love with the TM. Ha!

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  11. I just got semi-caught up reading your blog. You've been busy doing some great stuff! Looks like a ton of fun stuff in and around the St. Louis area. Enjoy the mountain biking in Land between the Lakes, that is a beautiful area.

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  12. Have a great weekend, and don't worry! That early a.m. mojo will return with just a few forays outside.

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  13. ah I dont think I could do it at night,,in the dark ..I dont have any safe place where a gal can go run solo in the dark...I am a chicken and I would have to turn to the TM ..hope the weekend was good

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