I miss me

The runner me, I mean.  The disciplined me. The one who got up ridiculously early a couple mornings a week to get in her training runs.  The me who ran 8 miles before work one morning.  I liked that girl. 

This me is full of excuses.  It's cold.  It's dark.  I'm tired.  And a truly pitiful excuse from Wednesday morning, when I was wide awake in bed at 5 a.m. after a pretty dramatic electrical fire in our backyard due to a transformer (I guess) going out in a big way.  I couldn't fall back asleep and thought about getting up and rubbernecking at the linemen from the power company going for a run, but instead I decided I just colored my hair last night.  I can't wash it yet, so I don't want to get all sweaty.

Sigh.

I hate getting up early, but once I'm up and out, it's great (as great as stumbling around in the dark can be, anyway).  It's just getting over the "get out of bed" hump that's stopping me.  I know it's all about building a habit. It'll only take a couple morning runs before I'm back on track.  It's just a matter of prying myself out of bed to start.

I have been running a little, though.  There was last Saturday's trail race, and then I ran a couple of miles Wednesday night during N's volleyball practice.  I had dressed to run but was feeling very ambivalent about it.  I don't mind running alone in the dark at home in my neighborhood, mostly because I take my big dog along, but it makes me a little nervous in St. Louis with no furry protector.  After sitting for about an hour, though, I couldn't stay inside any longer.  My legs have been driving me crazy, I think they're restless because they just aren't getting that much exercise.

So, out I went, despite the fact that I hate the road, which is just busy enough that you have time between cars to get used to the dark before being blinded by the headlights of the next oncoming car.  I hate the sidewalk I run on bc it's the most technical paved surface I've ever run on.  Between the cracks in the asphalt and the wavy surface, it's a little nerve-wracking at night.  Even so, it was a great run.

I don't know what it was, but I really enjoyed running Wednesday night, and that's rare for me if I'm not with friends or on a trail.  On the way back, I was running as fast as I felt comfortable on that crazy sidewalk and just smiling as big as I could.  It felt hard and good and fun.

I'm off tomorrow, and I'm headed to Land Between the Lakes in Kentucky for a women's mountain bike weekend.  I. Can't. Wait.  I'm so excited to get some time in on my mountain bike, to be somewhere new, and to ride with some ladies who are great on a bike.  It's a great, supportive, fun atmosphere, and any time I ride with better riders I find out I can do things I'd never try on my own. 

If only I was packed.