I don't see any point in pretending I'm any further along than where I am or that I'm so sure of things because, after all, God knows what's in my heart. So. One thing that has sort of bothered me is all the talk about giving God glory. Part of me has thought things along the lines of, "He's God...why is it so important to him to be glorified, to get credit for everything."
Along similar lines, I was reminded recently of part of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (a book I've loved since childhood), where Aslan tells the children that any evil done in his name is actually done in the service of the witch, and any good done in her name is really for him. Ever since then, that's kind of how I've seen God, thinking that he takes the good we've done in our lives, no matter in whose name (if any) it was done. Well, as I've grown in the church I have come to learn (if not fully internalize) that it's not about what we do but about accepting Jesus as our Savior. I've read the passages about God being a jealous God and not wanting us to have other gods but Him.
So all of those things have been swirling around in my thoughts, and I've been trying to wrap my mind around what I've been learning. One thing that is really helpful to me is to try and put things in much smaller terms, things I can relate to. I thought about how much we do for our children and how upsetting it is when they act ungrateful. How I feel when one of the older boys gives credit to their father for something that I did for them while he lived his own life. I want to do things for my children, but I also want them to recognize and appreciate it. We all want our children to see how blessed they are.
Another minor incident was something of a revelation to me as well. We have a private family website through myfamily.com. Two actually, one for Jeff's side of the family and one for mine. It has been a real struggle to get Jeff's family actively involved in the website, but it has finally really taken off. One of his cousins, T., whom I'd invited to join the website months ago, finally got interested after talking to his brother about it. The brother asked me to reset T's password so that he could get on the website. So they other day I logged on and read T's post:
Thanks to S, D and I are now online. We were not able to figure it out at first but now that we are online-Look Out. This is really neat.
He added some other things about how cool the website was and totally gave S. credit. At least that's how I read it. And I was annoyed. This thing was my baby. Now, I quickly realized how silly I was being and chose to be glad for more participation ("new attitude") rather thank irked by someone else getting "my" credit.
And then I thought...is this how God feels when we don't recognize and acknowledge His works all around us? I had my nose out of joint over a website where really very little effort was required. I want my kids to appreciate the things I do for them. And really, what is all of that in the grand scheme of things? Cooking supper and running kids to practice isn't in the same universe as breathing out the sun and creating the world. There is nothing I sacrifice for my kids that comes anywhere near God's sacrifice of His own Son for our sins. We could praise Him all day, every day, and it wouldn't even begin to approach what He deserves. Thank God for His goodness AND mercy!