Though I went to the same college for 3 years, I really only was a typical student for one. I got pregnant my freshman year, got married my sophomore year, and lived off-campus (though very close) with my husband and son for the next year or so. I still went to school, but I worked about 20 hours a week as well and had a baby to take care of, so it wasn't like I was any part of campus life. I basically have one friend from that period of my life.
As I've been reflecting on my past, it seems like this is a continuing theme in my life...my lack of roots or continuing connection. I have a few close friends from high school, but I don't see them often. I keep in sporadic touch with one friend from the 3 years I lived in Rockford. I have friends at work, but they aren't people I often do things socially with. We have friends from volleyball, but if we aren't playing we don't do anything with them. My life is centered around our family, both our little family and our siblings. That's not a bad thing, but I really feel a need for something more.
Right now I feel very adrift. It's a lousy thing to say, but my family isn't enough for me. And while I've read in several places that I can't expect other people to fill a void for me--that I should be turning to God to complete me--I don't even know how to do that. It turns out that I'm not good at building relationships with much of anyone.
So, last night as I was feeling sorry for myself, I headed to bed with my Bible and the book I was currently reading (The Shack, which isn't going to get a review from me yet because I'm still processing it). I haven't kept up well with my Bible reading during this break, and I wanted to at least read a few verses. I opened to the spot where I had left off, and here's what I read:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles...(2 Corinthians 1:4-5)
I had to just laugh. God's little pat on the back..."I'm here. I care."