F, as in FAIL. Failure(s)
1. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure. The campaign was a failure. The women's best efforts at Trivial Pursuit were a complete failure.
Holidays with my family are marked by competitive, no holds barred Trivial Pursuit. The Genus Edition, none of these newfangled versions for us. We play boys vs. girls. Drinks are consumed. Bets are made. Last year, my brother, in a beer-induced bit of hubris, announced, "There is NO WAY you will get this right. In fact, if you do, I'll take off my pants and dance outside in the snow with that penguin [yard decoration]."
Naturally, we answered it correctly. I answered it correctly. Somewhere on youtube is a very poor quality video of Matt dancing in the snow wearing only a pair of boxers and a shirt, but I couldn't find it. Still, just knowing it's there is a lovely feeling.
This year, after the required smack talk, we sat down to trivia again with high hopes. One of the joys of playing Trivial Pursuit with my brothers is that they will talk for 15 minutes, in the absolute wrong direction, and right at the end someone will throw out, "Well, what about Fess Parker?" and it's the right answer. It drives me to drink. Last night, they creamed us. We only had about 2 pie pieces when they won. Then, to make matters worse, they offered to dump out their pieces, let us keep ours, and play again.
And they won. Yes, we ladies were lapped in Trivial Pursuit.
I had to sleep on my stomach last night because I was so sore from that ass kicking. Fail.
2. nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: a failure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear. Mrs. S. attributes J's plunging grades to his parents' failure to participate in his education.
Jacob's parent-teacher conference was this week. I've been looking forward to meeting with his teacher and hearing how he's doing...because he's doing well and it's nice to hear that. Plus, since his school open house was scheduled on the same night as my school's open house, I wasn't able to go, and I was looking forward to meeting his teacher in a responsible, involved parent setting.
I wasn't sure exactly what time the conference was, and for whatever reason hadn't put it into my calendar, so I called the school on Tuesday to check the time. "Ohhhhh....your conference was last night. At 6:50." Ughhhhhhhh. I am the parent I complain about. I'm the parent who can't keep her sh*t together. I'm the parent who doesn't care enough about her first grader's education to show up to meet with his teacher. And I'm a teacher! FAIL.
3. a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency: the failure of crops. Kate's utter collapse at the ten mile race is a direct result of her failure to train.
I haven't run for a week and a half. Yesterday's Turkey Trot was postponed due to inclement weather. I'm hoping that my new shoes and the general fitness from previous training carry me through. Well, that, and sheer stubbornness.
My one goal for this long weekend, other than to eat lots of yummy food (accomplished!) is to get one (gigantic) box emptied and removed from our laundry room. I'm about halfway done. I set the bar for myself very low in order to not register any further failures this weekend.
7. a person or thing that proves unsuccessful: He is a failure in his career. The cake is a failure.
Kate's beginning efforts to organize her laundry room were a resounding success! (completion pending)
*Definitions from dictionary.com