He also said that he hoped that Sammie found Dingo in Heaven so that we could all be together once we all died, and he cried a few more tears at school when I dropped him off. Otherwise, he handled Sammie's death surprisingly well. Honestly, I was a little concerned about how easily the 7 year old took the loss while N and I were devastated. That evening, though, I was reassured. When I came home from work, J was laying on the floor with his arms around our dog. He looked really sad, so I asked if he was missing Sammie. "Yeah. Nathan already buried her in the yard behind the garden, so I went out there and sat with her for a little while."
J. is doing fine, N. is sad but seems to be doing OK, and I'm still crying at least once every day. Today I ran over a squirrel on the way to church and burst into tears. I'm not sure why this has all hit me so hard. I think it's the combination of her being my child's pet, her being such a sweet loveable thing, and guilt. I'm the one who wouldn't hospitalize her. I made the decision. And while N. never argued with me or even asked me to please take her back to the vet, my older son told me that N. had texted him that night asking if he could borrow money. That breaks my heart all over again.
But you know, you make decisions and have to live with them. And move on. Hopefully before I permanently lose the ability to write a complete sentence. :P