Triathlons are stupid, and so am I

Today was my friend Mike's private half-ironman.  I did it.  I finished.  It sucked.  I knew going into it that I wouldn't do great because I was way undertrained for such a demanding event, and I knew that only grim determination would get me through.  I just forgot how much grim determination hurts.

Swimming is stupid:

• Actually, swimming was the least stupid part of today.  Thank you for that, swimming.  1.2 miles in 51:30.  Not a screaming pace by any means, but I'm pleased with it being as it was my 4th long swim.

Cycling is stupid:

• Riding 25 miles with only your three hardest gears in your biggest chainring is stupid.
• Knowing your front derailleur isn't working two weeks ahead of time but forgetting to take your bike to the bike shop is stupid.
• Riding 31 miles of a half-iron distance triathlon on a mountain bike is stupid.
• Forgetting to lock out your shocks is stupid.
• Forgetting to move your co2 cartridges from the road bike to the mountain bike is stupid.
• Sometimes fortune takes pity on the stupid and you still don't get a flat tire. Thank you, fortune.
• Spending 17 miles cursing triathlons and making up song lyrics about how much you hate triathlons is probably stupid but also a helpful diversion.

Running is stupid:

• Sore knees are stupid.
• Blisters are stupid.
• Stupid blister-giving Nikes are stupid.
• Wearing shoes you know give you blisters is stupid.
• Taking walk breaks isn't stupid, but constantly revising the start line to begin running again is stupid.
• Ruining your happy feelings (only 5 miles left!) by doing the math and realizing that means another 50 minutes of running is stupid.
• Math is stupid.
• Using up my quota of the f word for the remainder of 2011 is stupid, but therapeutic.
• 2.5 mile circles of hell...I mean rings of death...I mean, laps are stupid.

General stupidity:

• Not doing more training is stupid.
• Choosing a half-ironman, even a private one, for your first ever triathlon is stupid.
• Pride is stupid, and that's why I'm going to post pictures from the race when I get them, even though my face looked better in the middle of childbirth.
• Pride is stupid (part II), and that's why I'll admit that the 70.7 miles today (we ran an extra .4) took me 7:56:15.
• Calling off work tomorrow because I can't walk is stupid. 
• Writing this race report before sub plans is stupid.
• Doing a full ironman would be REALLY stupid (for me...the rest of you, go for it).

Assorted non-stupids:

• Having a friend who's cool enough to put on something like this (including t-shirts and an amazing dinner afterwards)
• Two awesome volunteers who had the "privilege" of listening to me whine every time I came through the transition area/aid station/garage (and still cheered for me anyway).
• My husband being there for the entire run portion.
• My 17-year old son coming to the Y and keeping track of my laps for me.
• Chamois Butt'r
• My 7-year old running the second 2.5 mile lap with me was an awesome diversion.
• Dinner afterwards.  I know I mentioned it already, but seriously.  It was fabulous.
• My brother Jim swimming 1.2 miles and riding 56 up in Wisconsin in solidarity with me.
• And, of course, finishing the distance.  It's a pretty cool thing to have accomplished, even if I never, ever want to do it again.

And a funny story from the run:

Like I said, J kept me company on one of the laps.  I ran (death slogged...you say potato, I say po-tah-to) while he rode his scooter.  I truly hoped thought he'd need to walk parts, but he kept up great.  Here's how the conversation went:

J: This is some good mother-son time.
Me: Mmm hmmm
J: Are you doing OK?
Me: No.
J: Do you want to walk?  We can walk.
Me: No.  I mean, my body wants to walk, but my brain wants to keep running.
J: Well, my body wants to go fast, but my brain wants to stay here with you.
Me: Aww, that's really swee--
J: [takes off] I'm going to listen to my body for a little while.